But first my UCLA visit yesterday. We saw the oncologist and discussed continuing chemo. We decided to move forward. There are many good signs the chemo is holding back the cancer, my kidney is strong again and the acsities has slowed down. The doc asked why I thought that was (the ascities) and I answered "Prayer!!" - he replied with "well that's part of it but why else...?" well we really don't know. I say it's answered prayer period. As I now sit with a pretty uncomfortable full belly as it's almost been a week. Chemo is tomorrow afternoon - I am confident that my body will handle it just fine and though I may be calling myself "mellow yellow" for a few days I won't land in the hospital again. I am hoping to get tapped and a blood transfusion (making an assumption I need one) as well but since it's in the afternoon who knows what there will be time for. As far as chemo - I will take it one treatment at a time but I do feel this is the correct path. It's too soon to stop trying.
Next I was able to meet with the Medical Director (thanks to my brother Tim!) of the Simms Mann Center for Integrative Oncology (complementary/alternativeish therapy) to see what she had to say. What a tremendous health and wellness resource this place is!! An MD with so my knowledge in supplements, herbs, alternative treatments, mind/body, etc etc etc). They also have free support groups, classes in meditation to help with anxiety and excercise. To bad it's not close to home. I really felt like I was in the right place when I walked in and started reading their litature. The first thing they did was a Body Mass Index (BMI) test and needless to say I have lost way to much muscle and need to gain that lean muscle mass back. Then I met the doctor who said when I first walked in "you have been through hell" ... hello she read my entire file and all my records. I was impressed that she really did take the time to fully understand my history and situation. She was already aware of the challanges I face and had a game plan. Once she saw my weight loss she changed the plan a bit. She is basically working with me on three things to start with; then as those improve will add more and more. She does not want to introduce too much at once because if something goes aray we won't definatively know what the cause is. So, for example the herbs will be introduced one at a time. She may stop one to do another etc etc. And she will watch and monitor labs inbetween etc. So my first three priorities is build back up my muscle mass. She is checking with the kidney doctor to confirm how much protien he will allow me to have each day. I did come home with some whey protein powder. I had the choice between vegan, flavored whey or pure plain whey and that is what I chose. I added some to my smoothie this morning and to a glass of coconut milk tonight. I am to eat AT LEAST 1600 calories a day (WHAT?) that is so much considering I am eating mostly veges, fruits, grains, fiber etc... so I mixed greek yoguart with almond butter and force fed (pretty much) myself good for me high caloric foods (hard to find) - I don't know if I met my intake goal but I am STUFFED. I would have loved to get a milkshake and be done with it - but then again I want to live long and healthy so I didn't ;-) this eating business is tough but again it's my life I am talking about. Oh I did find out that I do LOVE coconut milk - though it's also low calorie but good to put the protien power in. The 2nd thing she is working on is keeping my white blood cell count (WBC) up - and the 3rd is keeping the albimun levels up, which is a protien that gets drained out when I get tapped. From there we add in more and more until I am strong & healthy again.
Today I was emotionally drained - all the doctor calls, insurance approvals, appointments etc can get overwhelming esp. if your not feeling so hot and trying to eat when you don't feel like it but you know your supposed to etc etc .. I mostly stay very positive but I have low moments and today started as a tearfull day. The dogs unruly, kitchen a mess, floor needs mopped ... I broke down... then I realized once again I have so much to be grateful for, all this stuff is just minor annoyances and for some reason I just let it get to me. Then a friend came over unexpectedly and sat with me. Her sister had cancer. She shared her sisters story and some research that her sister had done and that story was very encouraging and the research/programs are ones I had not yet discovered. What a blessing! She also massaged my feet for an hour (yep a whole hour) - until my swelling went 100% away and I was able to then go with my one weight for a nice walk out side this evening. First time out all day and it was wonderful. It felt good and I felt good about getting a break from all the things I "had" to do earlier in the day to doing what I really "NEEDED" to to do stay healthy. The swelling is back so I need to go put my feet up. Thank you again for your support and friendship. Michael or I will update you on how the chemo went as soon as we can.
